The Art of Building Composure for Conflict

One can build composure for conflict. How do you build your composure for conflict situations? It is a difficult task that can be learned and mastered. 

I find it fascinating that some people assume that maintaining their composure during conflict is a weakness, when it’s the inability to maintain composure that makes them weak. Someone recently told me that they cannot remain calm under pressure, because they aren't "a pushover". They said they don't believe in being passive or walked on allover just to keep the peace. 

Let me ask you this, do you think your Pastor/Pastora has an easy-going demeanor by being passive? No. You think I learned composure and conflict management skills during peaceful moments? No, I had to master calm while standing on the wrong end of someone else's berating comments, micro and macro aggressive hostilities and neglectful shunning. I've been overlooked for promotions for my looks, shape and ethnicity, overlooked for being too educated or not educated enough more times than I can count. Others have assumed that because of my ethnicity, I have the potential for violence inside of me because it's been disproportionately used against me. 

I'm not calm because I'm passive. I'm calm because I'm pressure tested. And here's the thing, you don't have to face life or death situations to develop this kind of composure, but you do have to train for it. It starts with small moments when someone cuts you off in traffic, questions your decisions at work or says something disrespectful; you must resist the urge to snap, and every time you respond calmly, instead of emotionally, you build your capacity for composure. 

In Luke 16:10, it states, "He [She] who is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much." The verse means that people who are faithful in small things will also be faithful in larger things. The verse is a reminder that God observes people's actions and entrusts them with more based on their reliability. It also teaches that people's character is revealed through their actions, no matter how small. Composure is not about avoiding conflict, it's about controlling yourself in it, and the more you train in low-stake situations, the more prepared you'll be to remain composed when the stakes are higher. 

The verse is also a reminder that truth transcends our feelings and emotions.

Be well my sisters and brothers...We are God's church here on earth. Selah